In fact, with all the pummeling forward we do I get worried about losing a lot of things. Thats why I like to take pictures and notes. Robert Frost said "you never take notes during a love affair" but I do. Thats probably why I was always so scared to break up with Thrasher. I don't want to remove anything from my life ever. And hes so important. But hes gone now.
I lost the card he gave me for our anniversary. I should have known we were doomed on a count of how funny it was. And how it was not one bit romantic. Anyways I don't think I was wrong when I said I loved Thrasher. I just didn't understand it. It was the same love that I have for Conan and for my childhood. and daisy and gene. it was just a rejoice that they exist. I have always believed that the love that is sung about is not a love that you can instinctively FEEL the way high schoolers and romantics call it. To those people you feel your love the way you feel hungry or tired. and even those things get complicated when you can't sleep or overeat. i always thought that Love was what hung up Thrasher and I. I guess I can let it off the hook in this case because we simply weren't right for eachother. The day you figure out what you need is the day you figure out how to be happy. I figure since Im in rare the position to give advice I might as well milk it: never settle.
I once put a past love on a pedestal. Tonight i take him down and put Thrasher there. And the time when I met him and we hugged for the clash. And the bum we bought Mirror Lake for on our first date. And the Granny's at Tee Jayes on our last. And when we watched the Sandlot on the Oval. and when he passed out at my dorm and left a note apologizing (i wish i had that note). and fort knox and fort sumpter. and bongos. Even though our relationship was probably over a long time ago. I sure am glad we were too stupid to do anything about it. I'll miss you Thrasher.